November 7, 2008
Zooey vs. Katie

Zooey vs. Katie

There are some people I inexplicably like, in spite of the fact that they have very little talent. One of these people in Zooey Deschanel.

She’s not that good. And I feel like I should be annoyed by her because she’s that Bohemian Hipster It Girl that we’re all supposed to hate, but I don’t. She’s cute and she seems like she’d be fun to hang out with. She was in “Elf.” She likes to sing and she seems to have fun in life. And she has great bangs. So…soft spot.

But someone I hate for (I think) completely justifiable reasons? Katie fucking Perry.

First, that song. It sucks. It’s that fauxmosexual, “I’m just making out with girls to titillate the boys” bullshit that pisses me off about skanky chicks of my generation. PLUS! Who wants to make out with a girl wearing cherry chapstick? Who still WEARS cherry chapstick? Did she make out with my GRANDMOTHER? Well, I guess “The taste of her pomegranate Korres lip butter” didn’t really fit the rhythm. But, still! Not to mention, she is totally stealing Zooey’s schtick as the quirky, retro, vintage, be-banged one, and I DO NOT APPRECIATE IT.

So imagine my horror when the guy checking me out at the gorcery store told me I looked like Katie Perry. What? Seriously? Are you fucking with me?

Not only is this horrifying, because I DO NOT want to look like a girl who enjoys kissing people wearing cherry chapstick (regardless of gender), but it’s also totally bizarre, because I’ve never heard that I look like Zooey Deschanel. Anne Hathaway, yes. Zooey Deschanel, never. So I’m confused. And annoyed. And I’ve been very distracted lately by all the lip care products I’d prefer for my makeout buddy to be wearing.

And, for the record, they are:

PS: Shout out to the fabulous Skinny Bone Jones for the picture! And while you’re over there, congratulate her and her wonderful tomboy on their recent wedding celebration!



  1. I too have an unexplainable love for Zooey and a perfectly reasonable dislike for Katy. She’s just trying waaaay too hard, you know?

  2. ‘Elf’ is an excellent movie

  3. Earlier today, M looked at me said, “KATY LOSES! LOSER!” It’s like a thing now.

    So, yeah, Katy, you IDENTITY THIEF, I totally make out with my (lawfully wedded) wife FOR REAL, and boys? Boys have absolutely nothing to do with it. (Gross.) Fresh Sugar and Besame Lip Glaze FTW, BTW.

    (Miss Bangs, you left out the part about how you can feel sort of OK about being told you look like Katy Perry because, really, Katy Perry is a near-perfect facsimile copy of the lovely and pretty-singing-voiced Zooey Deschanel. In your harmonica-playing, otter-adorable case, we can cut out the middle person.)

  4. PS. I just added her as a friend on myspace.com, so that I can leave her a comment with nothing but this photo as big as I can possibly get away with. SWEET. If I can screenshot that shit, I will.

  5. So, here’s how big of a LOSER Katy is: She just added me on her myspace (yeah, I know it’s not “her”), but you can’t use HTML in the comments.

    Chickenshit. WHATEVER.

  6. ZOMG, I totally misspelled her name in the post.

    But I’m not changing it. THAT’S HOW MUCH I HATE HER.

  7. She doesn’t deserve proper spelling.

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